A dozen roses, romantic dinners, love notes … she may love all of these types of things. All the gifts and romantic moments are nice, but they are really just icing on the cake.
1. She Needs to Know He Thinks She's Beautiful (Attraction)
Deep at the core of every woman is the desire to know that she is beautiful, valuable and worthy to be pursued.
Unfortunately, a lot of times guys do not understand how central this question is. Sometimes guys think this desire for beauty is rooted in vanity or sexual desire, but usually that is not the core at all. The true root of this question is value: "Am I valuable enough to him to catch his attention?" "Am I valuable enough to be pursued?”
Also, I understand that this need of your girlfriend can be confusing for guys, because if purity is a struggle for you, then you are trying to not focus so much on your physical attraction to your girlfriend. However, there are lots of ways to express your attraction and communicate value to your girlfriend that are wholesome and appropriate.
2. She Needs Transparent Conversation (Honesty)
Girlfriends desire that their boyfriends be honest when communicating feelings, expectations and boundaries. When you take the lead in honest communication with your girlfriend, you help her guard her heart.
In the Garden of Eden, Adam was given responsibility to "tend and keep the garden." Part of the initial design of man is to "tend and keep," even in dating relationships. Guys, your girlfriend needs you to honestly communicate your feelings, even if it is not what she wants to hear. She needs you to be honest in DTR (defining the relationship) type convos, and she needs you to help create and enforce emotional and physical boundaries within the relationship.
The clearer you can be in your intentions and expectations, the more enjoyable the relationship will be. When you humbly take the lead by initiating conversations that make relationship expectations clear, you and your girlfriend will start connecting in more genuine ways.
3. She Needs a Heart Connection (Intimacy)
Your girlfriend wants to connect with your heart. She wants to know what you are thinking about. She wants to know your dreams and aspirations. She wants to know about the emotions you are experiencing: Are you hurt? Are you satisfied? Are you confused?
Your girlfriend feels close to you when she is close to your heart.
Sometimes it is not natural for guys to be involved in this type of conversation, but know that your girlfriend needs it. Heart moments are intimate moments for your girlfriend, so it would do you good to learn how to share different parts of your heart with your girlfriend.
Note: The Bible does talk about guarding your heart. So while it is not wise to share all the parts of your heart with your girlfriend early on, as the dating relationship gets more and more serious, you should continue to share more and more of your heart.
4. She Needs Him to Be Trustworthy and a Man of Integrity (Security)
Your girlfriend needs to know that she can trust you. She needs to know that you have "eyes only for her." She does not want to have to worry about if you are still communicating with old flames. Trust needs to be a non-negotiable.
Your girlfriend deserves more than a loose commitment. She needs you to either be with her or not be with her. You are not doing anyone any favors if you try to be partially committed to her while keeping other options open.
She should not feel like she has to work to gain your commitment. Also, she should be able to trust that your words are true and that you have integrity in word and deed. She needs to know that you are "all in" the relationship.