We’ve experienced a lot then, whether from early childhood wounds to bad breakups with ex’s. The past experiences can shape who we are and influence how we see ourselves, others, and the world. And it is no doubt that the past can affect the way we approach dating and view relationships. The past experience is at play when we come to the same situation. If we struggling to trust a new partner despite zero red flags and things actually going well, there is a good chance the past is unresolved. Life has to be moving on, we must learn to leave behind the past and embrace new love on the way. But how to do so? Here are some tips.
- Give yourself time to heal and take breaks for reflection when relationships end. It might feel safer to deny your feelings and pretend the breakup isn’t happening, but to totally heal from a past relationship, you need to confront it. If you don’t, you will naturally bring old baggage into future relationships. Take time to process each relationship loss before moving on and restarting dating. Give yourself a bit of time to readjust, reflect, and heal before moving toward a new relationship.
- Release emotion from the past through healthy way. Writing maybe a good choice for you to release your emotions. You can write a letter to your ex. The key is to let yourself release your emotions in a healthy way by writing in a deep and uncensored way. You can write down what you learned from the relationship so the relationship doesn’t burden you in the present and you can move forward. The letter is for you and will not be sent, so be as honest and open as possible. Consider what you would like to let go of to enjoy a healthier and happier life now.
- Don’t be over-generalizations. All or nothing thinking may be coming from your brain projecting that all women are high-maintenance because an ex-girlfriend is or all men are selfish because your father is. This is called a cognitive distortion or a flawed way of thinking. These sorts of assumptions can be very dangerous and cause you to date with walls. You need to remind yourself that no two people or partners are the exact same. Each relationship has the best chance of thriving when it is approached with a clean slate.
- If you sense the past is contributing to discomfort or anxiety in your current relationship, it’s a good time to communicate this to your partner and put effort into your own healing. This is not about blaming others for the past, it’s about accepting responsibility for how it may be affecting you now.
- Set intentions for love and live for now. The more present you are, the less of a hold the past will have on you. Try every possible way to surround yourself with hope, inspiration, and courage to meet your dating and relationship goals.